Zen And The Art Of Moustache Maintenance

The dictionary defines a moustache as the facial hair grown on the upper lip. But for me, it is not just “facial hair”, the moustache is an artistic or a symbolic representation of the personality of a man.

Moustache maintenance is not an easy task. It needs a lot of dedication and perseverance. My efforts to maintain my moustache in proper shape and size over the past 15 or so years have taught me a lot about life. My zen meditations and reflections on the aspect of moustache maintenance showed me that you can learn a lot about someone by just looking at their moustache.

Today I shall share with you some of my techniques to know about a person based on their moustache or the lack of it. You may find plenty of practical application for this knowledge like while choosing boy friends, life partners, or even while interviewing someone for a job. I shall discuss the four types of personalities here.

1. Those who painstakingly maintain their moustache

I admire these people. They embody the quest for perfection. They struggle to ensure that every hair is where it should be, have the right bend, right flexibility and the right length. They spend hours in front of the mirror, twisting their upper lips in all possible directions to make sure their moustache is picture perfect. More hairy and thicker the moustache – more the perfection.

In my endeavor to emulate these perfectionists, I also spend time in front of the mirror everyday trying to figure out how to get a symmetrical design below my nose. If I accidentally trim a bit more on the right, the left will also have to be trimmed to keep it in sync. This dance between left and right goes on… until finally it is already late for work – so leave it as it is, and move on… so much for my commitment to perfection… Perfect symmetry still remains a dream for me.

I can fully understand how many painstaking hours Hitler must have spent to get his symmetrical moustache – it just happened that he could achieve it only as he moved closer to his nose.

2. Those who hand over the maintenance to professionals

These are people who like to take the shortcut to perfection by leaving it to professionals rather that doing it themselves. Just as Robert Pirsig called those who were afraid to maintain their motor cycle themselves as “technologically challenged”, I call these people – “Groomingly challenged”. They do not understand the pleasure and pain of maintaining a moustache themselves. These are people who prefer branded stuff and costlier luxury items.

3. Those who do not maintain their moustache

How nice it would be if moustache did not need maintenance. You let them grow naturally. But due to the cultural and professional etiquettes and rigidities, you are forced to maintain them – keep them within limits. But there are people who do not like to live as slaves to the cultural and religious dogmas. They let their moustaches grow natural and wild. I like o brand these people as revolutionaries, extremists or anti-establishmentarian idealists. Leo Tolstoy, Karl Marx, Osama Bin Laden are good examples of this kind. These are usually unusual geniuses - either good or bad.

4. Those who do not keep a moustache

Now these are people who I would call – “Slackers”. They do not want to take the responsibility of maintaining a moustache. A clean shave of the upper lips and there you go! You do not have to worry anymore! I equate this to the logic of people not marrying so that you do not have to take the burden of maintaining a relationship. Unfortunately in many countries and societies, moustaches are frowned upon and more and more people are choosing this easy way out. They do not understand that they are in fact shirking their responsibilities.

I have a confession to make. There was many an occasion when I was also tempted to get a clean shave to join the ranks of these easy goers. However when I simulated my would-be appearance by putting my finger across my moustache and saw myself on the mirror, I could not convince myself to accept that image as mine. Once I even dared to do the heinous act, but for couple of weeks, I did not dare look at myself in the mirror.

I hope that my brief presentation here gave you some pointers towards analyzing people based on their moustache as Perfectionists, Groomingly challenged, Unusual geniuses and Slackers. I hope that you are also convinced of the importance of maintaining a moustache. A perfect moustache is a journey, not a destination. You may never achieve it, but the diligence and perseverance that you put into the effort of maintaining a moustache will help you in your day-to-day life.